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7 Secrets Kim Kardashian Would Tell Us If She Were Drunk in Key West

By September 28, 2018Drunk Celebrity Secrets

It seems that Kim Kardashian is always in the news for something new and bizarre. Recently, she made headlines for deciding to dye her hair blonde, though one could argue it is more platinum. Regardless the color of her hair, it makes you wonder what is really going on in her head. She is known as an open book about her life, but a little time boozing on our Key West beaches may still reveal a couple of secrets she has been hiding.

1. She has frequent self-identity crises.

Kim has been known to freak out on more than just a few occasions, one of her most famous being a time she was in hysterics about losing a pair of earrings, after which her then-husband Kris Humphries throws her into the ocean. We wouldn’t throw Kim in the ocean if she were throwing a few back with us in Key West, but we are pretty sure she would spill that she has frequent identity crises in her life. That must be the only reason for the freak outs, all the nude pics, and her marriage to Kanye.

2. She secretly idolizes Taylor Swift.

For most, it’s no secret that Kim Kardashian, Kanye West, and Taylor Swift have some differences between them. Most recently, Taylor Swift’s “Look What You Made Me Do” clearly points this out. We think a couple of coolers in Kim’s belly, however, may reveal that she actually LOVES Taylor Swift. How do we figure? Why else would she spread rumors and use so much time obsessing over Taylor if she didn’t secretly want to be just like her.

3. She’s a cheater.

No, we aren’t referring to Kim’s 3 marriages. And it may not be a total secret that a few months before her divorce with Kris Humphries was finalized, she gave birth to North, her and Kanye’s baby. Though it’s understandable that being thrown into the ocean is probably grounds for divorce, her relationship consummation with Kanye means she was still a married woman. Does this mean she cheated on other occasions? Only a little brown-bottled influence could tell!

4. She secretly hates her body.

Kim Kardashian is often praised throughout the media for her openness with her body and sexuality. However, inebriation may reveal the real truth: she actually hates her body! Kim has been cited saying she only likes going out to the beach in her swimming suit during different times of the day when the sun is just right because it won’t reveal her cellulite. It’s a common struggle, but our open book Kim may not be as accepting of herself as she would want us to believe!

5. She’s kind of a pushover.

It is a secret that Kim probably doesn’t even know herself, but she would probably tell us that she is kind of a pushover. What do we mean by this? Kim and Kanye weren’t going to name their daughter “North” until some of their celebrity friends such as Pharrell Williams suggested they needed to name her that. She also stated that she would likely keep her hair black, but she just went blonde because Kanye likes it better. Caving into peer pressure about the naming of a child and not standing your ground with hair color preferences makes her kind of spineless, but after a few beers, that won’t matter!

6. She is afraid of her popularity.

Not many people are as open about their life such as Kim, but we think she would tell us she is terrified of her popularity. How do we figure? She actually sleeps with both eyes wide open sometimes! This is a little strange, we can assume that her popularity probably makes her feel she needs to sleep with both eyes open to ward off the paparazzi.

7. She probably drinks a lot!

Some of you may be thinking, “Wait! This whole post is crap! Kim doesn’t drink!” And you may be correct in saying that when it comes to the news outlets. In a RollingStones article about Kim, she is reported to only have 5 vodka shots every few years in Las Vegas. That’s what they say, but that’s a lot of booze to keep down for someone who doesn’t drink! We think she would tell us that living with Kanye as a husband means keeping a few hidden bottles of Jack Daniels under her pillow.

What About the Hangover After

If we were wrong about Kim’s drinking habits, however, we are pretty sure she would end up with a massive hangover the next morning. There is only one solution when you are hungover in Key West: call us at Hangover Hospital. We will come to you and get rid of your hangover symptoms in less than an hour. Kim may have overindulged and over divulged, but we have the hydration and antioxidant infusions that could get her back on her feet in no time. You don’t have to be a celebrity to afford our services, either. Choose a package that works for you and you will feel completely refreshed and rejuvenated afterward! Call us at Hangover Hospital during your next Key West vacation!