Britney Spears made headlines again when a crazed fan rushed the stage at her Las Vegas concert last Wednesday. Many thought he had a gun, but according to the police who apprehended him, he was actually unarmed.
This experience got us thinking what the man was really trying to achieve. Was he really just crazy? Did he have a personal vendetta against Britney? What secrets did he want to know about her? If he wanted to know secrets, there is a better way than attacking the stage – get her to come to Key West! A little booze to grease the wheels on our island beaches would tell us exactly what we would want to know. See what secrets we are pretty sure Britney would spill if she came to Key West to party with us!
1. She’s in obsessed with Natalie Portman.
We’re not saying that Britney Spears would admit her attraction to Natalie Portman is toxic, but we wouldn’t be surprised if she did. Britney and Natalie were stars together as children, and on different occasions, Britney has stated she would want Natalie Portman to play Briney in a bio of her life. With a little alcohol, we might be able to hear a confession of Britney’s unrequited love!
2. She’s a pyro.
We may need to be careful around a drunk Britney – she has a history with fire. Not to mention how she has used fire displays in her shows in the past, one time Britney left a candle burning in her NYC apartment which made the wall catch on fire. The fire department even had to come to put it out. That much love for fire with someone under the influence could be dangerous!
3. She likes to hook up with men of royalty.
It may not have worked out between them, but Britney confessed to emailing back and forth with Prince William of Great Britain to set up something where they could get together. She even said Prince William was supposed to come and see her, but it never happened. A lot of boy drama often comes out when you start boozing in Key West.
4. She’s a cheater.
It kind of comes with the celebrity “territory”, but we may hear an inebriated confession from Britney that she hasn’t always been faithful. After breaking up with Justin Timberlake, there was some suspicion that it was due to a fling Britney had on the side. Oops, maybe she did it again with her two marriages…
5. She has a multi-personality disorder.
There is an interesting effect that alcohol has on people with psychological disorders, so we may see a side or two or three of Britney that drives her crazy Britney commonly goes by the alias of “Allota Warmheart” when traveling, in addition to Mrs. Diana Prince, Queen of the Fairy Dance, and Mrs. Abra Cadabra. A multi-personality disorder may also explain the time she shaved her head and beat cameramen with an umbrella.
6. She hates the environment.
After a music video where Britney Spears sported a white python and danced around a caged tiger, PETA dropped her as a potential spokesman. With all of that resentment, Britney may reveal she doesn’t really care about PETA or the environment after a few drinks.
7. She can’t actually sing.
A couple of years ago during her Las Vegas show, Britney’s prerecorded song kept going right along while she stopped singing. The biggest secret she may let out while at one of Key West’s killer keggers is that she can’t actually sing.
Hangover Relief for Britney and You
After a night of full-out confessions, we imagine Britney would be pretty hungover. For anyone partying or vacationing in Key West that ends up with a hangover, give Hangover Hospital a call. We will get you back on your feet in less than an hour with our infusion of IV fluids, antioxidants, and vitamins. You’ll feel so great that you’ll want to keep coming back, baby, one more time.