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6 Secrets Steve Martin Would Tell Us If He Were Intoxicated

By December 28, 2017Drunk Celebrity Secrets

Steve Martin is now making headlines because of his projected appearance at Tanglewood. Tanglewood, a music venue in Massachusetts, is home to the Tanglewood Music Center, a camp for aspiring professional musicians to play, network, and enjoy live entertainment. Spring and summer is clearly the best time to visit Key West, however, and if Steve Martin came to throw back a few brewskies with us for vacation instead, we know he might have a little more fun. Here’s 6 secrets we think Steve Martin would let loose if he got drunk enough during our island partying.

1. He’s a little bit of a redneck.

The Steve Martin we know is often pretty composed, even during his comedy routines or hilarious movies. But we know that with a little beer to grease the wheels, he would tell us who he is deep down inside. Steve Martin happens to be a very accomplished and popular banjo player with his musical roots in blue grass. He has even recorded a few published albums. He may try to hide it, but we know that deep down, he’s hick through and through.

2. He is married, but may be gay.

Steve has actually been married twice, once to Victoria Tennant, and now to Anne Stringfield. He even has a four-year-old at age 72! But regardless his two lovers, maybe there is a man that also has his heart. Steve Martin and Martin Short have always been known to be a little affectionate with each other. In fact, both of them will make an appearance together in Tanglewood. At least in Key West, they could both be as affectionate with each other as they want: we won’t judge!

3. He’s not very good at his hobbies.

Booze can really bring out a good sob story, and with Steve Martin, he certainly has a good one to cry about. Steve is a fairly knowledgeable art collector and has acquired multi-million dollar pieces at times. In 2004, he bought a piece of art for $850,000 dollars, thinking it was an original, but it turned out to be a total forgery.

4. He takes advantage of people in relationships.

Back in the earlier years of his career,  Steve Martin became a comedy writer for The Smother’s Brothers. How did he land this gig? With the help of an ex-girlfriend. He had no prior writing experience, and if he were on a cruise ship with, he would probably admit that he really milked that relationship for everything it was worth. He did win an Emmy for his writing at the age of 23, however, so he must not have been that bad.

5. He’s kind of “embarrassing”.

Nobody likes air quotes. Everybody uses them and they are just kind of annoying and embarrassing. You may not know, but Steve Martin was actually the original man to begin using air quotes on television in his comedy acts which lead to a nation-wide phenomenon that people still do today. A little liquor might show he might regret this decision which he inflicted upon humanity.

6. He really wants to be French.

If you have seen the Pink Panther, you would know that this isn’t actually a secret.

It may take a lot of that unholy elixir to wash out all of his secrets, and being over 70 years old, he would probably have a pretty nasty hangover afterward. If you find yourself hungover during your time in Key West, be sure to call us at Hangover Hospital. We will come to you and get rid of your hangover symptoms in less than an hour. It’s no secret!